HUMOR Page 1

 Contents

The Lord Shall Provide
The Zoo
The Puppy
 

 The Lord Shall Provide

It had been raining hard for several days in the small town of Merryville.  Water was already rising into many houses, and when the news came that the dam was ready to break, volunteers began evacuating people by boat.   As the water began seeping into the community church, a boat was sent for Pastor Jones and the few folks who had taken refuge there.  The people  boarded the boats, but the pastor refused, saying "Thank you, but I'm sure there's still others to rescue elsewhere.  The Lord will provide for me."

After the dam broke, the pastor was forced to retreat into the balcony and continued to pray.  A crew in another boat came along and yelled thru the balcony window, "Come on pastor, we've got most everybody out and the water is still rising.  You need to come now".  The pastor replied, "There might be  someone else who needs rescued.  Don't worry about me.  The Lord will provide for me."

After the crew left, the pastor continued to pray and was forced into the steeple tower.  Within a few minutes, another rescue crew arrived via helicopter, lowered a basket and signal the pastor to climb in.  Once again the pastor waved them off, yelling "Thank you my son, but my confidence is in the Lord and he won't let me down.  He provided for Noah and He'll provide for me."  Finally, after attempting in vain to persuade the pastor, the crew flew off, the water continued to rise, and the pastor drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the pastor beseeched the Lord, "Lord, why?  Why  did you let me down.  I prayed and trusted you.  Why did you not deliver me in the time of my trouble?"  The Lord replied, "You big dummy,  I sent you two boats and a helicopter."
 

Comment:  Many of us look for God to send sensational miracles, but forget that God is always working in the ordinary circumstances of life. 

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 The Zoo

Mike had been looking for a job for weeks without any luck.  One day, while taking his family to the zoo, he ran into the manager of the zoo and asked if there were any job openings.  The manager replied that every job was currently filled.  Mike pleaded with him, pointing out his wife and two children, telling the manager that he was desperate and would do anything.  The manager (who was a real cheapskate) thought for a moment and said, "Well, my gorilla died last week.  He was one of my most popular attractions, but I don't want spend the money get a new one.  I've got an old gorilla suit that we once used for a promotion, perhaps you could pretend to be a real gorilla.  You can start tomorrow."  Mike thought for a few minutes, looked at his family, then agreed to take the job.

At the end of the first day, in which Mike mostly just sat around, the manager told him that he needed to start acting more like a gorilla so that the customers didn't start complaining.  Mike thought about quitting, but remembered his family and just nodded.  The next day, Mike began walking around like a gorilla and even climbing.  After a few days, he began swinging from the vines and noticed that the more active he was, the bigger his audience.  He also noticed that he was actually enjoying his job. 

One day, Mike had a particularly large and enthusiastic audience as he was doing tricks while swinging from the vines.  On one trick, he was swinging higher than ever, from vine to vine, when suddenly he lost his grip and flew over the sidebars of his cage into the lion's cage next to his.  After regaining his senses, he noticed a huge lion slowly walking toward him.  Mike tried to remain calm, knowing that an outburst would probably cost him his job.  The lion kept getting closer and closer.  Mike kept telling himself, "remain calm and quiet.  Remember your family.  You need this job."  Finally, as the lion came within a few feet, Mike looked at the fangs of his mouth, the huge claws, panicked and yelled "HELP!!!"  The lion stopped in his tracks and said, "Hey buddy, keep it down.  You want to get us both fired?"
 

Comment:  Things on the inside are not always as they appear from the outside.  Many people sit in church pews week after week, but are nothing more than white-washed tombs (Mt 23:27).  Many are even members of a local church, but not members of the Universal Church (believers possessing eternal life).  If you are not sure of your eternal destination, we encourage you to read How to Know for Sure You're Going to Heaven.

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 The Puppy

A pastor was walking down the street when he came upon four young boys having a heated argument.  Noticing they had a small puppy and concerned that the situation might deteriorate further, he went over and asked about the disagreement.

One of the boys replied, "A dog belonging to friend of ours had a litter of puppies.  All had been given away except this one. We all wanted him, so my friend gave us the puppy and instructed us to decide among ourselves who would take him home.  So we're decided to have a contest - whichever one of us tells the biggest lie gets the puppy.  We all came up with some great lies, but now we're arguing over whose was the biggest."

The Reverend was shocked.  He exclaimed "Don't you know it's a sin to tell a lie.  You boys should be ashamed of yourselves!"   He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying,  ending with, "Why, I've never told a lie in my entire life."

The boys hung their heads in silence for a few moments, while the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he'd gotten through to them.  Finally, one of the boys gave a deep sigh and said. "All right, give him the puppy."

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